and then she said...

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

A long road, cut short

I apparently am not good at this writing thing. Here I am though, trying once again. I have been very busy lately with a benefit we are doing for my aunt. She is very ill with cancer and does not have long to live. Her husband, my uncle, had to take leave from his job last June to take care of her, take her to her doctors appointments, administer her drug intake. It is horrible. So they are having a hard time, ya know, paying anything without an income. So we are throwing a dinner/dance benefit for them to help out. People have been very generous and everything is looking good. We have a lot of items for our silent auction and for the mini raffle we are having. If you want to read more go here, click on "Friends came to aid of...".

It is so hard to know that when you leave her it might be the "last" time. We almost lost her a couple of weeks ago. She had a heart attack and 40 pounds of water decided to take presence in her body. Thankfully they were able to flush the water out and said the heart attack did not really do any damage. She is doing better. Unfortunately it has been a long time since she has been well. She is in so much pain it is hard to watch. My heart is so sad for my uncle and cousins, watching her get weaker and weaker, knowing that at any time she could die. She is only 41 and it seems like she hasn't lived long enough. I have know her since I was about 7 years old, I remember all of her children being born and I remember as I got older us becoming friends. I will be so sad to lose her.

Unfortunately, this is not the first loved one I have lost to cancer. My friend's dad, who I called "Pa", died after a very long battle with cancer in 2001. I loved him as if he were my father. He had suffered so long it was probably a blessing that he did die, but it didn't make it any easier to say goodbye to him. I still don't know if I have. I still talk to him and ask his advise like I use to. I remember when he was alive, I use to just sit with him, even if my friend was not home, I would just go visit him and sit with him and he would hold my hand and talk with me. I miss him so much, sometimes I forget how much until I talk about it. My parents separated for 6 years and in this time I had very little to do with my dad and Pa was my dad in all senses. He took care of me, supported me and respected me like my real father never had. It was a blessing and I am so thankful that he was in my life. I wish it would have been longer and I wish he would not have had to die so painfully.

Ok, ok, sadness stopping. It has been a hard time lately, but I think things will get better. I hope. I need good news, I need something to look forward to. But for now, my present and future is about this benefit. Putting everything I have into it to help my aunt and her family. She is a wonderful women and I hope she knows that.


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