and then she said...

Wednesday, May 24, 2006


I can not believe it, but school is almost over. They just changed the last day of school to June 5. Which is so wonderful for me. We leave for Arizona on June 7th - although, if I would have know I would of scheduled an early flight - but this will cause for a lot less running around on the day we are leaving. It is getting closer. He has 3 more full days and one half day (which is his last day). And 3 more days of Sea Lions. Then I get 1 week (well almost) to relax in the beautiful sun and then 2 weeks when I will be free, free I say!! Don't get me wrong - I do miss him while he is with my sister - but it is so nice to be able to miss him. Sometimes I think that we need to miss each other more. It seems we are always together, although, I know this is not true because he tells me that I am at work all the time and he wishes that I would just stay home with him. I tell him that without me working he could not have toys, or food, but he thinks the solution is for me to "find him a dad" and then "he can buy the food". Nice, eh? Well, he is going through this stage right now, please God let it be a stage, where he would like every single bit of my attention at every second!! Unless, I am telling him what or how to do something, then he would like me to leave him alone.

The principle from his school just called me. My heart jumped into my throat.

Me - "Yes, Mr. Principle."
Mr. Principle - "Um, JJ just informed us that he ate a purple flower on the bus this morning."
Me - "Oh, um......ok"
Mr. Principle - "Well, I am not sure who exactly gave him this flower and he, of course, has no idea. But we wanted to inform you, he seems to be fine, but we can call poison control if you would like."
Me - "No, I think he will be ok, I am sure he has ate worse."

I am such a great mom. My son now on top of having a really hard time listening, is eating flowers. When does this stop again? Oh yeah, its just lile a roller coaster, it has it ups and downs. But I have to say, the good things, even if sometimes they seem like they are less often, out measure the bad. He says things like "I love you up to the sky and back" and "I have a hard time sleeping if I don't snuggle with you first", ok, yeah, so sometimes it to get out of going to sleep, but hey, he loves me, and for those of you who have children, you know that a love like that is just.....priceless....wonderful and I can not imagine my life without it.

We are starting to plan his 6th birthday, which is almost 4 months away. He likes to start early. My child would like to have it at our local Chinese restaurant. So this year the theme is Chinese and dinosaurs, his two very favorite things. I am sure it will be fun. This will be the first party where he will be able to invite his friends that aren't just my friend's children. It will be different, I do not know any of them really, and some I do not care for already, but I figure my mom let me make my own mistakes. And I hope that he will meet someone that remains his friend, my best friend is a friend that I have had since I was around 5. It is amazing, and sometimes when we are together we act about 5, but it is fun!!


I talked to JJ last night and appearantly he ate the flower tasted good!! Well, that solves that mystery. This will go in my file..thing I never thought I would say..."Please do not eat flowers."

Monday, May 15, 2006

Lost without a map

I honestly have no idea what I am going to do next year for school for my son. I live in a small town and my son is going to a small country school. Unfortunately, there have been a couple of instances that I do not agree with the way the school is handling things. Also, the kindergarten schedule is horrid and they would like JJ to repeat Kindergarten. Although, I am quite confused about that. I went onto some charter school websites to check out my options and look at the requirements for 1st grade and JJ meets every one of them. Anyhow, now I need to decide do I send him back to this school where he has made friends, do I send him to another school within my small town, do I send him to the elementary school by my work or send him to a charter school that is completely out of my way. Trust me I have had several moments of what do I do in the last five years. When my ex was losing his mind and I kept going back and forth with do I leave, do I stay, I figured it out and left. JJ and I are both better off because of that decision. I would like to say my ex is better off also, but I honestly have no idea. When I was having problems with daycare, I was able to find one that worked with my son's and my needs better. There are two thing I am stuck with - first, what to do with his mischievousness and impulsiveness and second, this school situation. This is probably the thing that sucks the most about being a single mom. It is easier if you have a partner there to make the decision with. Two minds to throw things around. Also, I believe that JJ would probably be better behaved with a father in his life, but that is just my opinion, I might be totally wrong.

My life is not exactly where I planned for it to be at this point in my life, not that I am unhappy or anything like that, just not where I saw myself. And would I like to be in a different place? Yes, I would. I can admit that I need help, it is hard for me to, but I do need help from time to time. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful family and great friends. I could be a lot worse off then I am. But when JJ has bad days at school or at home, it make me question my decisions and question how I am doing as a mom. I was brought to tears last week, two bad days in a row, one at school and then the next day at daycare. I have learned to handle things without yelling, which is so much better for me and for JJ. It is a long tough road, sometimes I wonder if I am cut out for it. I love him, and I keep thinking that will have to be enough. And it usually is.

Please don't get me wrong, JJ is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. I just question if I am the best thing that happened to him. I hope that he eventually thinks so. I think my mom is pretty wonderful, I know she had some hard decisions while my sister and I were growing up. I know she didn't always make the right decision, but overall, both my sister and I are good people. It is because of her that we are, and we are lucky because of that. I am sure that didn't know all of this when I was young, and I know as a pre-teen and the being of teenage life I didn't think so. I pretty much hated both of my parents, however, when you grow up you realize how wonderful it is to have parents that love you and care about your well being. There are a lot of children out there that do not have parents, and even if they do, those parents only care about themselves. I am truly glad that I ended up with the parents that I have, the good and the bad, because they love me, my sister and my son in a way that I believe no one else every could. And that makes me and JJ both pretty darn lucky.

Happy Mother's day (belated)!! I hope your day was as wonderful as mine. There is no gift like soggy cereal and a kiss from a 5 year old that sometimes thinks you are "the best mom".

Monday, May 08, 2006

It has begun...

I have been warned for years about when my child starts extra curricular activies. Well, it has begun, early this year he was in biddy basketball, but it was only one day a week for 6 weeks, no big deal, and it was on Saturdays. Tonight he will start Sea Lions as a sea pup. I am already starting to stress a little bit about being able to get him from the bus or daycare and to the practice on time. I know you moms with multiple kids are laughing, like I should have a problem getting one five year old to where he needs to be. That's the OCD in my coming out. Anyhow, we will have to push dinner shead an hour or so, and in turn our exercise, well my exercise ahead an hour or so. It's only one month, three days a week, I will be able to do this. I think JJ is going to be one of those kids who wants to participate in everything, so I better get use to it. He is very excited and so am I, I am hoping this will help him listen better - what - shup up - really I think it might help! He is only enrolled in the Spring session, the Summer session starts while he is still in Arizona, but who knows, maybe I will enroll him for it anyhow, we will see. I have no idea how this whole thing works, but I guess I will find out tonight. Then my little fish will be right where he loves to be...

Monday, May 01, 2006


I think I have become a groupie of local band. Well, actually I think I have been for the last 5 years. I starting going to see them with a friend from work at her mom's bar, the Red Moose Inn. The bands name is Cash O'Riley and the Downright Daddies. You can listen to some of their music. It is rockabilly, very good rockabilly. Many people from my work have come to like the band a lot and try to catch their gigs when they come to town. A few of us went to see them Friday at Moriarty's Pub and learned that the original bass player decided to leave the band. There is now only one original member from the band, Cash O'Riley. They still rock and pulled a couple of people from other local bands to play with them. The steel guitar and hermonica players from Steppin' in it played in a few songs, one word - Amazing. I have never heard a hermonica played like that before, it gave me chills. If you go to their my space page you can sample some of their music. It was a great night with great music. I am definately a music lover. I love all types of music, well most types of music. I love music I can feel and both these small local bands, you can feel their music.